Time to get some stuff off my chest...

So… It’s been a long time since I took to the keyboard to write about being Fahful. Almost to the point that I have forgotten what was Fahful about me to begin with.

It’s awful the amount of time that has passed and I apologize to myself first and foremost for not taking the time to unload my thoughts onto the world wide web. I have certainly done a disservice to my sanity and personal growth by not writing. As for you, I apologize if this post doesn’t make sense. It’s hard to apologize for more than that in my first public appearance this decade...

Today’s main event is that I am no longer in my 20’s. It is hard to admit but I will just throw it out there and get it over with. There is no going back anyway, right?! I spent my 29^th year in a constant inner-struggle with boredom, motivation, and happiness. Defining them each, redefining, and focusing on each one alone and as a part of a greater existence.  I was so bored with life and unmotivated to change it… I was hardly ever happy. That’s my second confession, by the way. When I was 19 I was on top of my game and a ladder-climbing, name-taking, degree-earning winner. Ten years later I live in a twilight zone of a world without me – the real me, the Fahful me. The over-achieving little girl who lied about how old she was so people would take her seriously is missing. The need for success if still there but the oomph is not. I really hope that the fact that my last blog was about getting married doesn’t mean that there is a direct correlation. But I have been burned out and I am hopefully now getting my second wind. And nobody gave me the evil eye… I just burned out. It happens.

But today I have something way worse to admit. And for once I won’t talk about Politics or Religion… but Pop Culture. Is it a crime to say that I like Miley Cyrus? I can answer that as a “probably.” Here in Egypt I see an episode or two a week of her on MBC 3… in that kids’ show where she’s always fighting with her Billy Ray Cyrus dad and acting out fake high school shenanigans. And then when I flip the channel I see her twerking on MTV. So I think it’s safe to say I didn’t like her at all. Her Teddy Bear stint and her nasty plastic shorts and her long tongue and her misuse of a foam fan finger, and her finger tattoos. The list goes on and on; she is just really gross. But then it happened. I saw the video where she was crying (Wrecking Ball). And suddenly I thought I could relate. I thought she was gorgeous, deep and maybe a respectable entertainer. Of course she was clearly crying for attention, and she got mine. She went from being a mischievous Hannah Montana to being a button-pushing artist. And I like that? Has my taste in music changed that much or has the music itself changed? Or is it cool to like Pop music suddenly? I am really confused. And when did Hannah Montana stop being a little girl? How did this happen? Where was I?

And then there’s Katy Perry. Who I suddenly think is the most amazing performer ever. She was adorbs in the EMAs as a human maypole. And her song Roar has the catchiest lyrics ever… and the music video is extremely entertaining. I feel like she is only borderline selling her body… no more than any other girl.  And then I was afraid to search for her other videos. I had no idea how cute she was in Last Friday Night (TGIF). Is there any other artist who costumed up as an awkward teen and was cute?!   And her song Part of Me explains every girl’s struggle! And I had no idea that she was in Smurfs… now I love her even more! So how did I miss her? I mean she was even cute in 2001 as a Christian singer-songwriter!! How did she exist without someone notifying me? Or did THEY attempt to notify me but I rebuffed because I was afraid of Pop Culture infiltrating my playlist.

Fourth statement of fact: I don’t like Lady Gaga. But then again I have no reason to dislike her apart from that I don’t like her because everyone talks about her like she’s cool. And by default I am not supposed to like things that are cool. I’ve never listened to her, but I may have to give her a try since the other girls this year are so entertaining! Or since my standards have lowered… whichever is true.

I have never ever liked what was popular or MTV-worthy. I always listened to the alternative stations, or better-yet a CD or iPod with my own favorites or even-better indie mixes made by college friends of obscure bands from Europe or Seattle. Whatever was not popular was blasting from my stereo. Whoever I remember being cool was never cool to everyone else at the time that I thought they were cool. Does that make sense? I was obsessed with Oasis when everyone else didn’t care about them anymore. I saw Phantom Planet three times when they were still “Missing”… before the song California got them some airtime. And the Dance Hall Crashers. And Ani DiFranco. And Counting Crows. And the Wallflowers. And Tegan and Sara. I loooove Tegan and Sara. And yes some terrible “likes” along the way... ahem, ICP. But it’s been awhile since I followed the Top 40.

So did moving to Egypt make me “cooler” - because I suddenly feel like my finger is on the pulse of the American music scene as we speak!! Last time I felt this good I was listening to Kasey Kasem on America’s Top 40's in my oversized flannel shirt and ripped jeans…. Hugging my tabby cat and eating Itzakadoozies… back then Blink-182 was the BOMB!! (Back then Bombs were cool still.)

So are these women not cool since I like them? Or am I cool since I like them? Or is there no relationship between my musical taste and me? Or was there a secret military coup where cool people regained control of MTV?

Or has the illuminati finally gotten into my home… and taken over my brain? (It took 10 years for Fah to lose her pace; And it took 2 for Miley to change her place. Minus one dearly departed... 10+2-1=11. OooOooh….)

My cool friends who follow Adele and Morrissey and Lana Del Rey and Café Del Mar and Radiohead will laugh that I’m a “born again FOB.” But I still like the good stuff too.

It is THE HARDEST THING to admit today. I’m 30 year old Ex-Pat with questionable musical taste.

###